Chasing skinny

Could I care any less?

I have grown bored of my life. I have made a joke out of it. And I will laugh at it. I have been drinking now two weekends straight and I have been also skipping school. I don’t feel like going there anymore. Why can’t I just vanish?

I have been really aggressive towards everyone around me. I have been breaking things or I have been crying in the dark corners of the house, eating everything I’m able to catch and getting fat. I want to stop eating but I don’t have even power to control myself. I’ve become so numb and dull. And yet, I don’t even care.

Say hello to new me..

Dear doctor, does an apple a day really keep you away?

I visited the doctor today. No good news. They discovered a illness that I have always had and which I will always have. Could life be more cruel?

Done with it.

I was drunk for the entire weekend. It made me feel a little bit more free. Next weekend I will do it again. And thanks to it I won’t eat that much too. :)

Drinking.

I have to admit that my mother annoys me that much, that I drink and get drunk just because of her. She doesn’t give me any privacy.. I want out of here. I want to be free.

Like wtf is wrong with these girls?

Today I was called a whore. One girl told me that I am hitting on her ex, and that I’m obviously a huge whore… Nice to know that :D I can’t even count this guy to be my close friend, we just happened to talk for like umm.. 5 minutes today, and I am called a whore thanks to that. Someone seems to be over protective of her ex boyfriends.. :)

But to my weight. Thanks to mom I had to start all over again. Eating small amounts and saturday-sunday no food this weekend, yes! :)

How?

How can I remind myself of my goals all the time? I can’t write it on my hand like ‘lose some weight bitch’ or sth like that, because my mother would notice. How to remind myself about it every time before I begin to eat? Because when there is friends around sometimes I totally forget my goals and I go like ‘ooh, look! A cake!’ and then I eat everything like some foodzilla. Any tips?

Cry moment.

I managed to get my weight to 53 already. But.. my mother ruined it. Today I scaled myself and I got 58.5!! My mother has been watching over my eating and she has made me eat unfairly much food. What can I do? Im getting desperate. What could I do?

School. Oh how I love you.

I’m having pretty much stress because of school stuff. And well.. it makes me eat even though I wouldn’t be hungry.. And today I had to spend about 12 hours with school stuff, and still more that needs to be done.. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

Why there is people?

Today I didn’t go to school. I just wanted to stay at home and avoid kitchen and do stuff that I enjoy doing.. But my mother decided that she will also take a day off from work. Lovely. She forced me to eat already four times today, and I counted that I got 1300 calories by doing so. I just hate it when she makes me eat. And refusing is not an option when it comes to her..